My Assignment:
Genre: Ghost Story
Action: Welcoming
Word: tamp
My Entry:
Prints
The silence was the worst part, that fresh absence echoing through her home. She swears she hears the jangle of a collar tag long past midnight.
The rainstorm of her tears reflected the bridge pitter-pattered by Charlie’s last steps. She swore she saw the colors in the vet’s office.
He's there, waiting. She's here, waiting. Nothing tampers the loneliness. The shadows moving in the corner of her eye are much welcomed company.
Paw prints in the foyer. Nose smears on the window glass. She's cleaned them so many times, yet they always reappear.
She then realized: bridges cross both ways.
My Feedback: Thanks for Participating!
(the judges were numbered and anonymous )
Dear Salem Arh,
The feedback from the judges on your 1st Round submission for the 100-word Microfiction Challenge 2025 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful, and you are proud of the story you created. Thank you for participating, and we hope to see you in a future challenge!
''Prints'' by Salem Arh -
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY
{1943} 'Prints' was a heart wrenching story. You painted a vivid picture of how much she loved the cat, and how painful the loss was for her. I loved the idea of the cat still being there, present in the home. The ending of the story was lovely - my heart melted at the concept of her finding paw prints and nose smears to clean! The ending of the story was beautiful. I loved the concept of the rainbow bridge for animals crossing both ways!
{2014} Aww. As someone who has lost quite a few faithful companions over my lifetime, I'm really feeling this story. You've nailed the loud silence that invades the home upon returning home from the vet's. The loneliness, etc. I love that you have signs that Charlie is still around, the jingle of his collar and the paw and nose prints that reappear. Striking last line as she realizes that yes, Charlie can come back over the "rainbow" bridge. Very effective in explaining the possibility of ghosts, specifically, Charlie.
{2092} That final sentiment centered around 'bridges' is a great way to satisfy the intense loss overarching the story.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK
{1943} I noticed that your use of tenses sometimes became inconsistent. You opened in past tense, but then switched to present tense at "She swears she hears the jungle..." You then used past tense in the second paragraph, then present tense at "He's there, waiting..." At the end, you switched from present tense to past tense with "She then realized: bridges cross both ways." It can be helpful to read your story aloud so that you can hear if you switch from past to present tense. I was a little puzzled by the sentence "The rainstorm of her tears reflected the bridge pitter-pattered by Charlie’s last steps." This was full of vivid images, but I would work on the clarity of the sentence and the paragraph.
{2014} I noticed you switched tenses several times in the story. You start out in past tense with the first line: The silence WAS the worst part. Then in the second line you switch to present tense" She SWEARS she HEARS the jingle of a collar tag..." Most of the story then is present tense and the last line is both past and present: She then REALIZED: bridges CROSS both ways. So I would advise you keep the whole story in present tense. Also, I didn't understand this line "...her tears reflected the bridge pitter-pattered by Charlie's last steps..." Is this some kind of reference to the rainbow bridge? I think that needs to be clearer as it doesn't have the impact. Also, tears don't make a noise, so I'm not sure it's a good metaphor or comparison. I like the idea of somehow referencing that Charlie has crossed the rainbow bridge here, but I feel that how you write it needs to be reworked.
{2092} The story feels a bit repetitive, detracting from the progression to some degree. Removing the repetition and giving a bit more direct interaction with the ghost would offer more space to explore the emotional impact of that final statement.
